I am really having a hard time figuring out God's will for my life and wether or not that I can even obtain His will for my life due to my situation.
Back in 2002 I was up for a pastorial position in a local church and my wife at the time had an affair and basically left me. Needless to say it shattered my life.
In 2003 I met my present wife and we have been married now for almost four years. I love her greatly but I do feel that we are going against scripture that states to remarry is adultery. One reason I feel this way is because I don't hear God anymore and another reason being that since we have married it has just been one tribulation after another. I really don't know what to do. I still seek God. I try to have at least an hour a day of quite time but I hear nothing and I have no direction for my life.
Just trying every opition I know how and seeing if anyone here has any Godly guidance. Thanks.
I don't know you and I'm a terrible Christian, so I should be careful what I say. You know who came to mind almost immediately as I read your post? King David. You made me see something in him I never saw before.
I won't try to convince you that Scripture teaches you are free to re-marry. I have always been taught that way, but I'm sure you have read the Scriptures many times on this issue and an off the cuff rebuttal by me would be shaky at best.
David had how many wives? I don't know. Yet, God had grace for King David even though David wasn't living according to God's best plan. Jesus said one man and one woman, so it was meant to be from the beginning. So David is already fouled up, but God still used him mightily.
Then came the Bathesheba affair. And from that day on, grief and tragedies came into David's life.
Oh Will, David had repented. God had forgiven David. But from that day David and his family and people suffered because of what he had done.
Do you feel like that? Things are helplessly and hopelessly snarled now. God can't use you because you ruined His perfect plan for your life?
Will, we all sin. The great mystery is that God's will wasn't ruined that day in the Garden when Adam and Eve fell. God, who is perfect and holy, can use even our sinful lives to accomplish His will!
David didn't give up. I've been so tempted to skip over the last chapters of King David's life. The 'good parts' where David slays Goliath and becomes King is over. His kingdom seems to be declining, tarnished, ruined.
But this man, who God praised for being 'A man after My Own Heart', he didn't give up. He was brave and trusted God even as he always had. Now it was not the battlefield and his life and soldiers he was risking, it was his own family and the kingdom, a much more desperate battle!
Will, the Bible says we will have tribulations in this life. You cannot, must not, let every struggle become a test of God's love. It'll drive you crazy. I do not think you and your wife are committing adultery, but even if you had, you have surely repented, haven't you? David was not only not commanded to put away Bathsheba, but something miraculous happened.
This Christmas, please look at the genealogy of the Lord Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew. David's life was ruined and worthless...or was it? He suffered and endured, meekly and humbly before God. And God raised the Lord Jesus from David and Bathsheba's union! The pain wasn't for nothing, I believe. In my heart I believe God had to punish David and Bathsheba so that people would not say that the Lord was descended from adultery, but from the greatest King Israel had ever had, save One.
Don't be afraid Will! If God can make use even of David's great sin to bring Lord Jesus into the world, how much more can He bring good things, according to His will, from the fruits of your tears and suffering?
Oh, that's so easy to say, and so hard to believe. Lord God, help us in our unbelief! My life is pretty ruined due to a life long struggle with sin. How many times I asked God to let me die! But I am persuaded today to be like David. Repent daily, and trust in the One who came from David's line, the Lord Jesus Christ. And maybe, some small good will come from the remainder of my days.
God bless you Will. I'm sorry if I just sounded pretentious or glib, but this was on my mind as I thought of you tonight. I hope it helps in some way.
Gerry thanks so much for this post. I really do feel like David. I feel as he did in psalms. Cut off and begging for the Lord to show Himself once again.
I try to live the best I can and seek God's will but I hear nothing and don't see any doors opening up for us. It has been a very rough five years.
I also tried to repent but how do you repent from remarrying? I am still married when I wake up. Repenting means to turn away from and I don't know how to do that in this situation.
I love my wife and she loves me. She is a great wife and mother. A hundred times better to me and my kids then the first wife. I hate that our life could be filled with tribulation due to my actions. It saddens me.
I am not a scholar, but I was taught that a spouse's adultery leaves you free to divorce and remarry. But I realize there are many interpretations of Scripture and divorce is a very controversial issue. To me, the important thing ought to be to get right with God daily. I think you do not marry your wife every day, but once, and that establishes the relationship. If that was a breaking of your previous marriage, it would be adultery. But your marriage was already broken by your ex-wife's adultery.
Deuteronomy 24 makes it clear that if a person -does- get divorced (we can all agree that the New Testament strongly calls against divorce) and then remarries(also strongly argued against in the New Testament), she may -not- return to the husband that divorced her.
Yes, the New Testament urges in the strongest language not to divorce and demands we reconcile if at all possible. But...!
But what if you've already divorced and remarried? I'd suggest trying to understand what Deuteronomy 24 says about God's attitude. And I think God honors the second marriage, so that He does not want it casually thrown aside either. What do you make of that passage Will? I'd love to hear your opinions and thoughts about it.
It was lawful for the divorced woman to remarry. It wasn't what God wanted from the beginning, but it wasn't a sin. So, what is Jesus really saying when He says that divorce for all reasons -except- infidelity is adultery? I think He's raising the bar, like He did when He said a man that looks on a woman to lust has committed fornication with her in his heart. But Will, divorce and remarriage wasn't a sin against the Law. God allowed it for the hardness of men's hearts. Did your wife have a hard heart? Did you? Do I? God help us all!
But I do take from this that God, even God who loves reconciliation, did not teach the Israelites to abandon their successive spouses to return to their first spouse. You'd think He would have, unless God loves the successive spouses -just as much- as He loves the first couple.
That's what I mean when I say 'you repented'. Not that you must put your new wife away. You married her, it's a done deal. It's not something you do every day or that runs out at midnight, but you -are- married, right? So yes, repent that you could not reconcile with your first wife. Repent that a second marriage wasn't what God had planned in the beginning. And then let God forgive you, and make your marriage sacred and holy to Him, like He did with David and Bathsheba!
At least, that is what I think. I hope I'm not speaking against God by saying so.
Will, I don't know what tribulations are befalling you, but don't doubt that God loves you, okay? I do all the time, and I'm wrong to. I have this tragic mental flaw. The world was so horrible I thought I needed God. Then, when I accepted God, I stand around bitching that the world is so horrible. Somehow I forget to let it remind me how much I need Him, and I started feeling like God must be out to get me. But as one person once said 'The world didn't change when you accepted Jesus, -you- did.' I know, that's so easy to say, but when you're in pain, it's not so easy to believe.
Even people who aren't as sensitive about their sin and relationship with God as you are, struggle with what God's plan for them is. I will share more foolishness from my mouth, and pray God will forgive me.
I used to think that God's 'perfect plan' for my life was a super precise and singular plan with everything written in stone. God wanted me to go to a certain Church, get a particular job, marry a specific girl. By definition anything other than this imaginary plan wrecked everything, right? It just took 1, just 1 sin to throw everything off track and utterly foul things up.
But now I think that's not right. Because God knew every single sin I'd ever commit and took them into account. The perfect plan I'm not experiencing is -my- perfect plan for my life, lol! So what does that leave us?
A tremendous amount of freedom, actually:) For example, I can't draw, and though I got praised for my writing in high school, I've gone down hill from there. Yet, I had this burning drive to make a Christian comic. But I wasted so much time waiting for everything to happen for me. 10 years ago I thought up a story. I spent 3 years not writing it because I was scared of the sin in my life and getting the story 'wrong'. Remember the 'perfect life' trap? Well, I thought there was a 'perfect script'. I couldn't draw so I never practiced. I couldn't write, and I was afraid. The years went by swiftly.
Well, to make a long story short, I eventually hooked up with some great CCAS members from an APA-zine 'Alpha Omega' and the gang from the Cyberlight Christian comic website. They encouraged me to apply myself, and most of all, to trust God. These people have become the Church I could never find at home.
Now, my comics are very amateurish, but getting better as time goes by. It's so gratifying to be feeling good about doing something with God, even if it's just scribbling, instead of living in terror of failing some amorphous imaginary perfection. It may not be God's 'Big Picture' for me, but God does use it to bless me:)
God, who can work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His righteousness, can not only take a 'sin' situation like David and Bathsheba and make it work, but how much more can He take even our well meaning but silly mistakes and use them? Do you feel lead to do Christian comics? Go for it! Don't worry about the big picture, let it happen in God's time. I promise you one thing Will, you can fail to do God's will just as surely by not doing anything as by choosing the wrong thing.
For me, it's terribly freeing to know that God uses even my sins and mistakes if I repent and trust Him. Like, to speak honestly with you, I have an emotional/mental disability, and can't get a regular job. I hate it, I feel like less than a person. But it gives me time to practice drawing and to scrawl out my comics. It gives me time to pray and listen to sermons. I've had a terrible addiction to lust that wrecked my life. But in the end, I can see that God used even the fears and guilt that produced to keep me from hurting other people, especially whoever I might have married.
Oh Will, it doesn't ever come out exactly how we dreamed it. But it does come out in the end:) I'm 44 now, single, disabled, and honestly happier and more in love with God than I ever have been. (Kids, don't try to duplicate this life at home)
On a practical level, what sorts of opportunities are you looking for? Is there anything any of us here can help you with?
Well, I'll shut up now. I hope I don't depress or discourage you with all this babbling. God bless you and your wife and family!
Well part of the problem is I just don't hear from God anymore. I think my actions have taken me out of His presences.
As for the opportunities, I have on idea. It goes back to I just don't know God's will for me anymore. It seems everytime I think I might know I make things a hundred times worse then they were. I just don't know.
I am in a place in my life where I need God to show me a miracle. Show me what He desires from me because I just can't see anything. My life as a whole has just went straight down since my ex and myself divorced. I mean literally if God doesn't open a door and bless us we are going to be without a freakin place to live with in a week. It has gotten that bad.
So whatever prayer chains you have and whatever guidance you can give would be appreciated.
Gerry said some really awesome things in his posts. Things that bear worth repeating. So, if I may.....
"Will, we all sin. The great mystery is that God's will wasn't ruined that day in the Garden when Adam and Eve fell. God, who is perfect and holy, can use even our sinful lives to accomplish His will! "
"Will, the Bible says we will have tribulations in this life. You cannot, must not, let every struggle become a test of God's love. It'll drive you crazy. I do not think you and your wife are committing adultery, but even if you had, you have surely repented, haven't you? David was not only not commanded to put away Bathsheba, but something miraculous happened. "
"Don't be afraid Will! If God can make use even of David's great sin to bring Lord Jesus into the world, how much more can He bring good things, according to His will, from the fruits of your tears and suffering? "
Thanks so much Gerry!
Now if I may mention a few things. I don't know you and I don't mean to sound harsh but.....how did you let it get so bad, that you might possibly be on the streets, in a week?
This has nothing to do with 'remarrying'. This has everything to do with 'you not fulliling your duties as a husband and a father.' This is not about 'your idea' of what God has planned for your life. This is not about drawing funny books. This is about YOU doing whatever it takes to keep a roof over your head and food in the mouths of your wife and children. And if it means ' not drawing comics' then so be it. Even if it means showing up on the doorstep of your parents house. Even YOUR WIFES parents house. Especially if it means getting 2 non-comic related jobs! When your 'humble' enough to cast your own desires and ambitions COMPLETELY ASIDE, THEN you are truly in a state in which God can use you and move thru you.
I've seen your art. It is FANTASTIC!!! And it looks like you had a good run with it....for a while.....but where has the 'secular stuff' gotten you? Dude, your close to being homeless.
Take these 'trials' and 'silence' from God as a sign that 'maybe your not ready to hear Gods plan for your life',... yet.
I may not know your full circumstance, and I apologize for sounding harsh, but your wife didn't just leave you for no good reason. IN EVERY DIVORCE, BOTH PARTIES ARE TO BLAME.
Rededicate yourself to your NEW WIFE and make sure you don't make the same mistakes that led to your first wife cheating. She cheated cuz there was something missing in her marriage. Make sure your new wife doesn't have the same excuses. You do that, and God will bless your NEW marriage.
What does God have planned for your life? No clue. But judging from your current dire situation? It's a moot point. Take care of your family first. After some 'humbling trials' you'll be ready to hear from God again. The sooner you cast aside your plans and ambitions the sooner God can use you.
Just so you know where I am coming from, I QUIT TRYING TO BE AN ARTIST for 4 years, so I could work 2 full-time jobs and take care of my DAD while he was disabled. It wasn't fun, and I was miserable the entire time. But during that time, God took my ambitions of turning Pro and drawing secular comics and said, "I'm not going to let you waste the talents I 'LOANED' you, to glorify the world. You can only draw if you Glorify ME."
And thats how it 's been ever since. Drawing is now a hobby, I use to glorify God. But it took me years of trials to accept it. It took ALOT of humbling at jobs I didn't find fullfilling. But now I find drawing very fullfilling even tho I don't make any money at it.
First off Mike I could careless about working in comics. I have worked in this industry for 10 years. I am published guy and worked for many publishers. So this is not a post about me whining about me not making a living as an artist. Maybe you should re read this post.
As for 'letting it get this bad" I did not let anything happen. You act as if trials are brought on by your own actions. Why not tell Job that my friend. I am sure he let it get that way right? You put to much strength in my abilities. Nothing and I mean nothing happens to me with out God allowing it. Some might be due to my decessions but you have judged me by only knowing a small part of my situation.
Dude no one and I mean no one can make some one sin. It is not my job or duty to make my wife happy. Happiness is a choice. I was not responsible for her having an affair. That was her choice. It was her choice to move the guy into the house and it was her choice not to work on our marriage. She made that choice for both of us. Now do I think I was perfect in the marriage, no. I am human and we all have flaws but I did not go and sleep with another woman because I did not like her flaws. You are basically putting her sin off on me and that is nuts. No where in the bible does it say that I am accountable for anothers actions. We are all accountable for our own actions and she is responsible for her affair. Not that this means anything but she married the guy she had the affair with and did the same thing to him. She had another affair with another guy and left him. So I guess by your standard me and this other guy just did not do our jobs? That is just stupid and not biblical.
Now I have no idea what you believe but by your post you act like I am the one in control here and that just is not the facts. I have any job or opportunity because of God. Not because of something I do or did. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9 This verse means I can plan all I want but it is God who is in control of every step. So do I have a problem getting two or three jobs to support my family? Of course not. If God opens the doors for me to get those jobs then that is what I would do but don't think I have any control over that or any job I get. If God never wanted me to draw another picture then I would be fine with that as well.
And as for me being humble you really don't know me or how humble I am or am not. It sounds to me that you are bitter. The fact you put in all caps how you quit trying to be an artist you are trying to prove to me that you made this large sacrifice. Don't put your bagguage off on me. I have enough of my own. I do not think you are happy and I think you are bitter that you are not a pro artist. You desire someone to pat you on the back for the sacrifice you made. You made that choice.
Nowhere in this post did I post that I needed to be an artist? NO! I am an artist no matter what my job is and what I am doing. That is who I am as much as I am a Christian no matter what.
And I hate to be the one to tell you this but you are wrong with the statement that in "every divorce both parties are to blame." The spouse getting beat and leaving her husband is not to blame. The one leaving because the other spouse is sleeping around is not to blame. Not to mention at what point in time did I try to place blame? Placing blame doesn't help me current situation. The past is the past with my exwife. What I am worried with is my current state of heart with my God. Not my exwife or her situation. Again you completely went off on a tangent that was not even posted.
Dude I apprecaite you posting up a comment but if you are not going to say something that is going to help I would rather you did not post anything. You just don't know enough about my situation to make those type of judgements. If you have some scripture that can help me then feel free to give me good Godly advice but not opinnions. Everything you put off on me was your religious opinnion and not sound doctrine or scripture. No where in the word does it say that my job as a father is to provide anything. It is my job as a father to show them that God provides our needs not me. God is the one that opens doors and closes them. Not me. If you think you control your own opportunities and situation you are sadly mistaken.
I'll confess to being a bit confused...because, like others, I don't see anywhere in the scriptures where it says that remarrying, in your case, is sin.
What I do see is this...
Matthew 19:9 (Jesus speaking KJV) "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery:"
Divorcing someone who's been unfaithful is not a sin. In fact, it is the only instance where divorce is not adultery. And you're not bound to be alone after doing so for, in God's own words, it is not good that man should be alone.
I'll not comment on circumstances in your life because I fear I'd be far too presumptuous in doing so. I have no advice on keeping your home. I know that times are tough these days and looking for a job is something that hundreds of thousands of us are also facing...Frankly, it'd be stupid of me to beat you down for that!
What I will say is I just don't see the sin in this situation. But I do know that having a guilty conscience can affect our hearing from God. We have an enemy...and he'll use things against us to keep us from realizing how close the Lord really is, as he fears how effective we'll be once we've connected with God's power. One of his favorite things to use against us is ourselves and our Christian knowledge of the law. And for people like us who have learned dependence on the Lord, this can affect our lives, our work, our relationships...everything.
And even if there was sin...Yeah, let's just say you were the guiltiest man alive!! Did not God call you? Are you not His? Is He not all-knowing...calling the end from the beginning? When He called you, He knew every sin you committed, every sin you knew you were committing, every sin you didn't know you were committing...and every sin you would commit till your dying breathe. You're no shock to God. He's not in heaven saying, "Oh look what Will did, I was wrong." He's never wrong. He is God. You are His, brother.
Perhaps you should let go of the guilt? Perhaps it's the one thing you need to do...and, concordantly, the hardest thing to do? God is the first one to forgive us...but we are, all too often, the last.
Am I far off base? You may tell me so.
My heart goes out to you, Will, and I want nothing more than to encourage you-
I just hopped on to look around and came across this post. I felt like I should at least say something.
Will man, trust me, I feel you. First off, everyone on here is just jumping on top of you for all the wrong reasons. Okay, let me re-phrase, not everyone. I just feel that you need love man. Sometimes life just plain sucks. I will be the first to admit I have been frustrated for some time now in wandering what the heck God wants me to do with my life. I don't have a frickin' clue anymore. I will be honest and say that I have a ton of good ideas, but they are all up to Him. I can try them, but if it is not his will they will fail. And believe me, some have. All I can say is hang in there man. Focus on what you feel in your heart is right and what is important. God will work everything out and bring into light what you need to see.
If you love your family and you love your wife, then that is all the affirmation you need. Hold on to them tight and do your best to take of them! Again, God will work it out. It may get tough, then it may flat out suck, but ultimately there is a reason for everything. I have been telling myself that for some time now! I had a great job up until this past July. I have been un-employed and working freelance since then. Trust me, it is tough and I swear I don't see how we do it yet. My wife is back in school full-time and doesn't work, so it dang near poverty here. But, I have faith that God knows what he is doing. That is all I can hold onto. I just have to hold to that and keep metting people and hope that God is forming something awesome.
It's like I have always said, I don't want to be famous, rich, etc. I just want to help make a difference in peoples lives. How that will come about, I have no clue! But, seriously man, just hang in there. Again, as for sins, adultery and all that jive. Don't think so hard on it. Man, everybody makes mistakes, including me and everyone on this site. Nobody is perfect. Things happen. I agree that sometimes when a couple splits it is not always both parties fault. I have had friends that have split and it was definitely one-sided. The other party did everything they could to make it work and just didn't. I think everyone's situation is different and it is up to them and God to decide what is right or wrong. Not people. We have no place telling people that.
I hope all this is making sense. I tend to think a million miles and hour and ramble away! Ultimately man, I just try to be "real". I am not going to sit here and be Mr. Cool scripture quoting guy. I want to be real to people. I am not holier than though and I don't care to be. I am 32 and I love God. I have been a christian since I was 9 years old and life has never been easy. But, I hold to what I believe and try to make people smile everyday. That's what I feel God want me to do! Well, I better hop off. Take care man and if you need to chat, hit me up anytime.
Thanks so much for the comment my friend. I am not sure what I need. That is part of the problem. I have never in my life not had a direction in my life. I have always been able to see goals and direction but now I got nothing. It is like I have failed so many times I don't see a value in anything I decide to do and it has made me stagnant. If that makes any sense at all.
I have begged and begged God to show me something, anything that would show me what to do. I just do not hear anything. The bible says if I seek then I shall find but I have seeked and I have found nothing.
My desire has never to be rich or famous. My only thing is to be what God wants me to be but if He doesn't show me or tell me how can I reach this?
Please keep us in your prayers. We only have three days left in the home we are staying in and I just don't know what the heck is going to happen.
This is to Kawika
Thanks so much for the comment. Here is the scripture that supports my claim of remarrying being a sin: Luke 16:18 Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
No where in that passage does it give the ok for remarriage. I think the bible gives the ok for divorce but that is only due to our harden hearts. God never desired that for His people. If you look at it as God being the example, no matter how many times the Isrealites cheated on Him with other gods, He always took them back as His chosen people. If that makes sense at all.
Maybe it is guilt but I can't ignore our situation and how much tribulation we have had since we have been married. It is kind of freakin crazy. I guess I just don't see God blessing us at all. Granted we aren't dead and there is always tomorrow but if I am still going against God tomorrow will be no better.
I do believe God called me at one point in my life. I do believe I was called to be a pastor but I do not believe that to be the case now. I do believe my exwifes actions took me out of that plan. I could be wrong and I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement but I need God to open my eyes and show me His presences. I have reached a place where I am completely lost. I have no guidance or direction and it is a very strange place for me. I just don't know what to do.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers and your love and support means more then I could express with my words.
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